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01/24/2006:

"Operation Black Greenback"

by Phil Toler
Jan. 22, 2006
It seems that these days you need a crystal ball to figure out what’s already happened, or at least a good internet connection. We flash back to the dust up regarding the secret energy policy meetings sponsored by Dick “the Sneer” Cheney early on in the current administration’s first appointed term. In retrospect, it’s looking like a minor affair compared to the unfolding scandals in Washington, but the fact is, those meetings were in fact briefings on all that was to come, which, of course, had already been decided by the real string-pullers on Wall Street and in the City of London and Tel Aviv. I can now report with confidence that I know what those decisions were, and why they were taken — but only because I have learned a dab of macroeconomics. Let me now attempt to share this valuable information with you in the form of a speech, of sorts, that “the Sneer” might have made in those august meeting rooms.

“I want to thank all of you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to attend this meeting, and I will make the essence of our message to you as brief as possible. You all are fully aware that Saddam Hussein is now demanding Euros for his oil exports. This is an act of war on the United States, because our currency can only be inflated, that is printed at will without collapsing, if oil continues to be denominated in US dollars. The entire US economy hinges on the ability of the Fed to constantly pump up liquidity to outpace the natural decline of the dollar, and for the government to, for example buy securities strategically to shore up the various markets, among many other actions we must do behind the scenes, for obvious reasons. Should even one major oil exporter denominate in Euros, we will soon find others following as the Euro strengthens and the dollar declines, which would inevitably lead to the utter collapse of our financial system.”

(Long sneer, for effect.)

“Because we cannot let that happen on our watch, we will have to invade Afghanistan and Iraq, maps of which you will find in your packets. There is an obstacle to this course of action, however, that will require some, shall we say, ugliness to remove. But the plans have long been laid and gamed, and we now have the planners in positions of power to execute the operation. I will be candid with you and depend on your vow to never repeat what you will hear, mainly because if we go down, you go down, and I know how fond we all are of our grand homes and well-heeled families.”

(Another sneer to emphasize that he ain’t kidding.)

“The obstacle I mentioned is of course the American people who cannot be told about these matters as it would obviously undermine their confidence in the entire American way of life. They wouldn’t be able to grasp our post-War plan to extend our hegemony indefinitely into the future by becoming the first empire to tax our client states indirectly by , in effect, borrowing from them items priced in dollars that will be paid back with dollars that are worth less than when the original transaction took place. Thus, we can essentially raise our debt ceiling indefinitely using the savings of the rest of the world to support our way of life.”

(Cunning smile, then return of the sneer.)

“Since many of you may not have had the time to read the document in your packages entitled “Rebuilding America’s Defenses” written mostly by Mr. Zackheim, here on my left, and Mr. Wolfowitz, on my right, I will summarize it quickly. While they do not say so in the document, it is crucial for the continuation of our ability to support Israel, as well as our own economic security, so they are providing us a great deal of cover in the execution of our operation, that is “Operation Black Greenback”. In the document, they do state that continued leadership of the world by the United States is in everybody’s best interests — well maybe not every everybody — but, shall we say almost everybody. In order to maintain our domination, uh, leadership of the world, we need a new geo-strategic option which is unilateral attacks on regimes unfriendly to our purposes. We will call them “preemptive” attacks and find innumerable reasons for them to justify the actions to the American people and to other governments, but in order to set this policy in motion, we need what one of our brilliant planners termed: ‘A New Pearl Harbor’. While those who lost their lives in that attack, (which of course we could have easily defused), never knew the degree to which their sacrifice was necessary, in fact, we aroused the people to fight and win World War II allowing us to extend our empire from Tokyo to Berlin, well, West Berlin. If Hitler had taken out the Soviets as planned, we’d be sitting in Moscow, too. But you can’t control the weather, or at least, we couldn’t then.”

(Pause to rest the sneer. Re-sneer)

“Our ‘New Pearl Harbor’ is actually taken from an old playbook that that Papist Kennedy cancelled in the sixties, (and I don’t think I was in Dallas, either) called ‘Operation Northwoods’. We were going to stage the shoot down of a passenger aircraft and blame it on that Castro bastard, and take back our island. Well, now we have a President who understands, well, kind of understands, what the stakes are and he is not afraid to sacrifice a handful of Americans and others in order for our nation to continue to prosper.
This variation will have to be far more dramatic than ‘Northwoods’ and we have been setting the stage for it for many years. We have established the timetable, but in the interests of absolute secrecy, we cannot say more than that. I feel sure that when the events occur, you will completely understand.”

(Zackheim’s beady little eyes glaze over in sheer joy at the apparition of events to unfold.)

“Now, when the events unfold, they will be blamed on a long-time CIA asset who has been groomed explicitly for this action, and because he is an Arab based in Afghanistan, it will allow us to go in and deliver that carpet of bombs we promised those Taliban bastards if they would not let us build the pipeline. And then we quickly knock off the former CIA asset who is no longer of use to us, Saddam Hussein, and our people in the new regime will simply re-denominate Iraqi oil in US dollars. As I said, Israel, and especially its Mossad, will play a very important role in all this, but we must not let this be widely understood. Since they have a long history of acquiring the land Jehovah promised them and keeping the vermin that claim it for themselves down, it will be of great help for them to guide us as we eventually move on to Iran. We have learned that those Mullah bastards not only want to re-denominate their considerable energy exports in Euros, they have the unmitigated gall to plan to establish an energy bourse, which would be a fatal blow to our ability to tax the world using inflated dollars. After that, the Saudis are next, with perhaps a backtrack to Syria and Lebanon, and Israel can establish Greater Zion and help us protect all that oil, and especially the way it is denominated. Any Question?”

(Everyone is too busy counting the money to be made in all this to bother.)

So, there you have it. Since everything went according to plan except for the insurgency launched by those dead-enders in the Sunni triangle, there has been an unwelcome slowdown in the timetable which has created some real problems for the final stages to be executed. But, bolder than ever, Cheney didn’t even keep secret that he had instructed the Pentagon to draw up plans to attack Iran with nukes even if they can’t be tied to the next Pearl Harbor. My friend Weben Hadd thinks it will be in San Francisco, but I think it will be in whatever neighborhood “Casino” Jack Abramoff is singing. Since the old Bush Pioneer has surely got some verses that will cause McNulty to come a-knockin’ on the White House door, they’ll be killing two canaries with the same dirty bomb.

Cheerio, for now.
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